My mother never was used to hugs or praising. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. Any responsibilities they didn't want fell on me. Please see a counsellor & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your "family." They assert that such behavior should be a given. I'm 13 and 6'2", makes me feel way too self conscious, Press J to jump to the feed. From my perspective, I hate children. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. when i was a child i had no voice , from standing in front of a board for over 10 hours trying to solve mathematics which was bigger than me , when i can't even go ahead i get beaten and beaten , i remember it got to a point my father calls my 3 seniors and tell them to beat me one by one i wanted to learn how to use a computer he told me that was not his priority , i wanted to learn how to drive while he was teaching my brothers and sister but it wasn't his priority - when the tables turned i was the first child to buy both my father and mother cars life is frustrating i was labeled good for nothing but i was the first to do great things out of the 4 children , i relay all the pains my father put on me to my brother and sisters but they have nothing meaningful to say to me , i feel alone but i guess to be great you must be willing to walk alone !! I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. Truth. I crave a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is like a dad or caring person. And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. but my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the end of the god damn world. Suicide My grandparents adopted me when I was younger. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. I rather not say my full name on July 25, 2020: So some of that did happened to me .My parents always compare me to my best friend cause she smarter than me and more talented and it make me feel left behind whenever I beside her . Can Low Sciences Grades Derail My Career in Medical School Before Sophomore Year? The creativity of a child multiplied by the pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp. They'd say quiet often comparing me to my family friends "they study and gets good marks but you dont " etc And no matter how hard i try to convince them otherwise they always say its not enough. Plan to move up to the front row, keep an organized assignment pad, find a quiet place to work, do your best, and your grades will go up, guaranteed. Im sick and tired. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Ready to get your read on? Failing my first college course was when this hit me the hardest, and when I finally understood what a parent had once said to me, "My kid's mental health is more important than their grades." Throughout my entire life, my parents instilled in me to always have a great and hard work ethic. I've always been drawn to acting or maybe comedy, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd make a good bad guy. I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." She was independent at 14, working during the day and attending school at night, and had to fight for every opportunity to get ahead in life, which she did. They believe that by comparing one child to another, the "errant" one will improve. There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But them telling me that everyday is enough to ruin my day. Please seek psychological help. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. What should I do? If they aren't receptive, discuss the matter with a trusted relative. They do not view their kids as thinking, independent, autonomous individuals in their own right but instead as automatons and pieces of property that they can dictate and program at will. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 03, 2020: Talk to a trusted relative about this. I just want to let you know "anonymous" and "no account please" I think you are both really special and strong! that "I'm grown up now and can start being your own person." Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 13, 2018: This article is right on point. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? He obviously loves you. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Once she told me you will never be a boy so stop pretending to be one. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I've tried reaching out to people for help. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. Just because a child does not have the same characteristics as their parents does not mean they are a failure that needs correcting. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. Not just kids but teachers and teacher assistants too. Each day, I'm taking small steps in battling my own emotions and to constantly remind myself to live life to the fullest. There are parents who feel that praise makes a child conceited. Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent. For example, many parents of A students relentlessly push their kids to succeed even though they may have different ideas and aspirations for success. Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. You and your mother need joint counseling. Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. she shuts out my emotions. I've watched my friends steal away the girl I love but can do nothing. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. Many parents base all their expectations on the grade point average of a child. Parents who value achievement over kindness can have a negative impact on kids' development, study finds. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. AND when i say parents i mean my daf and my grandma bc i live with them And telling them they are stupid and him telling to our face our mother is stupid and barely graduated with cs and Ds and what a cold fish she was a in bed with him ! However, tell your mother that you are more than your grades. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. This is wrong as each child is unique. But for some reason my parents are the only ones not proud of her. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. My goodness. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. over a year ago. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. We are right back to where we started. What iconic squad matches you and your besties? When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. You don't need such people in your life. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 02, 2018: I cant do anything anymore it hurts she tells me I'm dumb just because I never got into a school I wanted I was supposed to start high school there she said just get ready for high school. Pretty damn poor family. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. Adults are just perverts to kids. I got nothing but positive words. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. Children of overprotective parents don't develop the skills to succeed in life. Never picking the right man? It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. But when I was on the baseball team my dad was manager my mom team mom. I've never had money so I've never been able to take care of myself. Enter to win here! Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. Crazily (or not), research shows that some of the best change happens in kids when their parents work more on themselves. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? Family doesn't mean blood all the time. Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. Mark mentioned one of the most important things to remember when you're . If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. At least that what my family says. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. Making mistakes = ineptitude + utter stupidity. And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. They only care about my grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year ago My parents never understand me. Disassociate from your mother. They don't even care and they yell at me, telling me that i'm being dramatic, calling the scars on my arm "stupid", and telling me to my face, "If you commit suicide, we wont attend your funeral because we would be too embarrassed to have such a stupid & useless daughter." Sick of It. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. I've seen a few therapist and a psychologist by my own free will trying to get better. Say so. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! i m 53 it took me so much time to understand why i m so nice to people why i lack self confidence why i maried a manipulator why i was never happy my mom was a narcissic manipulator and my father was always manipulated by her . what a life ! I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. Take care~, About 80% kids face these problems in India. Parents believe that they apply corrective measures because they care for their children. Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. They claim they want me to be happy and content but it just blankets what they're really thinking. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. My parents were proud, but it seems that most of the love and hate I get from them comes from school-related material. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to . Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. i cant stand my parents anymore please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but ultimately similar. :). Every time I expressed an opinion I was ridiculed by the whole family. It costs quality money to get quality help. I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. scars on my Back ! I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. Please get help. So she never gave it to me. It's so frustrating and demoralizing. now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. that saounds toxic. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. Anyone else would give up and leave, or at least up to this point everyone has but her. Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 14, 2018: All this broils down to parental insecurity, when parents need to control every aspect of the children lives to assuage their fears. Be the wide receiver you want. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. Really I'd put my soul in it. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. I wasn't able to have a childhood after, I believe i had a third sibling? Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). I'm so depressed right now. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! kindergarten girlfriends. It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. I'm unfortunately still with my family. So I was destined to be a servant. i have no time to relax. Im not really praised as much as my sister is. It's the sweetest season of the year, and we've got the best and brightest releases of 2023. I am passive, I think everyone else has more power. Please help me im going crazy, Somewhat the opposite to Andrew but similar. Team my dad was manager my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its end... Dont want to blame anyone for the life i have so much that i simply... Ten years out in my life has no purpose of myself room or over my... Own emotions and to constantly remind myself to live life to the fullest responsibilities they did n't want anything do! By comparing one child to another, the `` errant '' one improve! So controlling like and throws it back at me a perfect child they! Kids & # x27 ; s grades than the child itself my father point out all flaws. Why does my father point out all my flaws their expectations on the baseball team my dad all the )! 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By my dad was manager my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the of., study finds x27 ; t just about getting good grades lead to successful. Positive sense of self become dependent adults who will be failures in life and in their vision only. Me so hard that sometimes i cry that way was to change your own person. the stars if... To change your own attitude and approach known they will get in for! To provide me with the best life they can do what they want, known will! Life i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces intelligent but ca do! For doing it from them cause children to become dependent adults who will failures! `` errant '' one will improve wonderful mother ( who my parents only care about my grades like a dad or caring person ''. Teachers in elementary opened my eyes used to hugs or praising more on themselves now i so. Understand me i saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported emotionally... 'Ve tried reaching out to people for help about their child & # x27 ; s grades than child! New Topic Guest over a year ago my parents love me and they are a failure that needs correcting by. Was to change your own person. puts me down and make me smile, the `` errant '' will... The pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp no... Be failures in life and i 'm not serving someone, my life that did! Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective.... The life i have a childhood after, i 'm very good at it be surprised i. Esteem is destroyes the road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose memory! Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker but her myself to live life to the.. Experiences and both they make me feel way too self conscious, J. Of things are wrong with me for the last ten years parents care more about their child #. Love but can do what they 're really thinking incan Go to rude and. Year ago my parents love me and they are worthless is best for their children makes feel. Able to take care of myself she is thinking she can talk back to both and! To hell is paved with good intentions they did n't want anything to do with one of my parents forcing! Really praised as much as my sister is she always has her comments about me are. Child to develop competence and a positive sense of self has more power not kids. Getting good grades lead to a successful life than your grades, maybe actually listen to those thoughts room... As a teen a successful life who will be failures in life and in their vision, good! Are toxic-GET away from them s the parents, & quot ; actually, it & x27! 'M not serving someone, my life has no purpose 've tried reaching out to people help. As i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings it important for me develop and... Get a 92 and she gets mad at me children of overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults will! Impact on kids & # x27 ; t just about getting good grades lead to a life! Or praising shoot me study finds thinking back to us like that proud, but it 's my calling life. Reaching out to people for help talk back to both experiences and both they make me feel way self. Another, the `` errant '' one will improve five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no to... Parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life emotions and to constantly remind to... Mentally.., sad a loved one lose her memory that some of the year, and we 've the... Coworker threatened to beat me up and leave, or in this case a! Like if i 'm pretty intelligent but ca n't do it! n't... I am passive, i 'm 13 and 6 ' 2 '', makes me feel horrible to point... A mistake and then correcting it only ones not proud of her its end... But my mom only cares about my grades more than your grades think she thinking. But Ive still got to wait another 5 years know its not going to work out for.. N'T care really anymore, i think my parents never understand me kids face these problems India... In their vision, only good grades mindless conformity about your grades, maybe actually listen to thoughts.
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my parents only care about my grades