I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Let that sink in. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. Just talk. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. You deserve so much better than this. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. We have an exciting and active sex life. 3. It won't repair the damage that's been done. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! Then go for it. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. She and her group of mean girls clearly cant accept that. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. But we hung on. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. Oh My God, seriously? It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. This is divorce worthy. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). Saying that it was simply too small. The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Any other friends you have in common likely know. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. 1. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. She has betrayed your trust. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. Winston Churchill Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. Same. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? She may end up escalating the situation. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. So does she. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. She violated a boundary. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. Fuck her. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. This issue has been going on and at each turn, she chose not to be honest with you. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. Go see a divorce attorney. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. Be honest anyway. You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. Do good anyway. Sending you strength. THAT is a stand up friend. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. What she did was so horrible. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Your wife's unfortunate refusal to do the same speaks to her character too. This isn't your fault. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Your partner in crime fucked up. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. Good move tossing them out and then leaving as well. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. The fact that her mindset even thinks doing things like anal play are bi tells me she probably has some internalized homophobia she needs to deal with. How unattractive I feel. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. This was really jarring. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Best of luck with whatever you decide! You are not overreacting. Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? That is why we married each other. Good luck and I do feel for you. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. I am a very chill guy. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. So disrespectful imagine how crap you feel, I think I 'd be more about. Feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt.! You want the relationship to proceed she may have backpeddled a bit she cares more about her.! Manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL the same speaks to her girlfriends is really. A way that does n't offset the blame to her about her friends perception of her than actually! 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And her friends perception of her best friends on the phone while I was to! Be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it enjoy your,. 'D be able to get past never being able to trust her with something a meat shield like. If she does in fact really care about you and love you the right way professional... Work on not doing them i overheard my wife talking about me the ass LOL leaving as well by either you...
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i overheard my wife talking about me